How to be an Honest Car Salesman


Listen, baby. We’re turning over a new leaf here at the auto-dealership. We’re no longer going to be slimy, greased up car salesmen. We’re going to be slimy, greased up care salesman. In other words, we’re going to be honest, and maybe even show you how to set up your car’s Bluetooth.

How do you be an honest car salesman?

I’m glad you asked. We’ve put together an extensive list of rules you can follow to become an honest car salesman. Baby, by the time you’re done reading this, customers are will be lining up at your office door to purchase a car. You’re going to sell cars so honestly; the buyers are going to enroll in a NYS defensive driving course just to make sure they don’t crash their vehicles.

Be upfront with buyers 

The first step to being an honest car salesman is to be upfront with your buyers. No more withholding valuable information regarding the cars you’re selling. They’ll respect you more, when you give them all the info they need when buying. 

Don’t throw snakes at customers when they don’t buy cars 

It’s an old trick that doesn’t work anymore. Whenever a potential buyer wouldn’t purchase a vehicle, we had to punish them by throwing snakes at their heads. Not anymore. It’s the buyer’s right to not purchase a car, and we must respect that by not pressuring them… even with snakes. 

Communicate any hidden fees 

Listen, we like to squeeze in hidden fees whenever people purchase a vehicle. It helps us to afford comfy slacks and hair grease. However, we have to communicate these hidden fees. Also, we have to breakdown the pricing of the purchase as much as possible, so they understand where their money is going. 

Find a car that fits their personality 

We can’t keep pushing cars that don’t match the customer’s personality. Sure, it would be hilarious selling that Mercedes Benz to that 16-year-old boy, but we both know he can’t afford it. Even with his newspaper route allowance money. Understand the customer’s needs so you can match them with the perfect vehicle. 

Never lie about the car history 

Never lie about the car history. You purchased that truck from a fisherman who thought it was a boat, and, when he realized it couldn’t float in the lake, he traded it in for a Ford F150, because they have “better buoyancy.” Then you lied about the car having “little water damage.” Do you remember that? The customer remembers that. 

Don’t skimp people on trade-in prices 

Stop skimping people on the price of trade-ins. I know you feel obligated to cheat someone out of $4,000, because you noticed the 1-inch rust stain on their back, left door. Cars devalue extremely quick, we get that, however that doesn’t mean you get to steal more money than necessary. 

Don’t hide snakes in the cheap cars that people purchase to incentivize them purchasing expensive ones 

You might be bitter when a customer buys a cheap car. However, that doesn’t mean you get to hide snakes in it. Again, you can’t harass the buyer. If they don’t want to be upsold on the pricier car, then you can’t pressure them with snakes. Where are you getting snakes anyway? 

Care for your customers 

Again, we’re not car salesmen, we’re care salesmen. We’re in the business of caring for our customers, so they feel comfortable making any kind of purchase. When you are kind, welcoming, and respectable to the customer, everyone wins.

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